A Christmas Pantomime: LOL! The Adventures of Stoned Crackwhore, Brooklyn’s All-Knowing Political Pundit
The Coca Vine #22
Let us reflect, during this season of our Lord, upon the awesome and mighty power of Assemblyman Dov Hikind, whose strenuous efforts contributed mightily to Hillary Clinton’s landslide victory. Especially notable was Hillary’s stunning victory over John Spencer in Hikind’s own 48th AD, where Clinton got 5878 votes out of the 11,755 cast, for a daunting 50.00% of the total vote and an insurmountable margin over John Spencer of 167 votes. LOL!
Another Orthodox Jewish political powerhouse is Harry Schiffman, a former Mark Green aide most famous for joining Manhattan’s Gay and Lesbian Independent Democrats to support Green for Mayor at the behest of Allen Roskoff, political operative and diva extraordinaire. Harry’s always willing to bend over backwards for a friend. LOL! Maybe Harry thought Allen said “Lebanese”---No, that would have been even worse. LOL! Harry is also well known for attending a famous lobster dinner where the food was the most kosher item on the bill of fare, or should I say unfair? We still don't know who paid the bill, though the DA says the case is closed. LOL! Harry now works for Kingsbrook Jewish Medical Center, a hospital most notable for having zero Jewish patients. But does anyone have the patience for Harry? LOL!
Harry is currently waving his lulav in the direction of Yvette Clarke’s recently vacated seat on the City Council, hoping to pull a David Yassky. Memo to Harry: Yassky lost. LOL!
A further consideration: Harry’s wife Lorin is up for re-election in two years for a Countywide seat on the Civil Court bench. Does she really want to run in 2009 Brooklyn as the wife of the guy who tried to colonize “Our Council Seat”? Yes, Harry, goats have split hooves and chew their cud, but can you find one in all of Brooklyn which is both kosher and curried? Perhaps it is you. As Bugs Bunny would say, “What a Maroon!” LOL!
Meanwhile rumors abound that a well known political blogger will be joining the campaign of Council hopeful Wellington Sharpe, whose string of humiliating defeats finally came to an end last year when he had the good luck to be knocked off the ballot. LOL! Hint: the blogger ain’t Gatey, who was last seen looking for the still missing specs filed against Wellington’s petitions in 2000. Hint: maybe they are to be found next to the last accurate assertion in one of Hackshaw’s columns. Good luck finding that. LOL! And Gatey, stop being angry about Chris Owens’new blog; if you were jobless, you could have your own website too. Here's hoping you get the chance. LOL!
Those looking for the best Christmas displays in Brooklyn usually confine themselves to the vicinity of Dyker Heights, which, despite its name, is not home to many Lebanese; LOL! However, nearly as legendary is the yearly Christmas display at the Canarsie home of Kings County Surrogate Frank “Santa” Seddio, one of the last places in the neighborhood where one can celebrate a truly "White Christmas". LOL!
Seddio himself makes a wonderful Kris Kringle, or as we Caribs like to say, Daddio-Christmas; he’s fat and jolly, and it is not hard to picture him reading his list and checking it twice in order to find out who’s naughty or nice. Leave it to the cynics to determine which category receives the better gifts, or whether he compiles the list himself. LOL!
But Santa has apparently been unhappy. There has been a much ballyhooed investigation into two possibly impermissible campaign contributions by Seddio’s former Assembly campaign committee. Recent reports in the New York Law Journal and elsewhere strongly suggest that, in the end, this report will lead to little more than a private letter of warning, if that. So, why the sad face, Frankie? LOL!Seddio is apparently bored out of his mind, and tired of living on a fixed income. Being forced to work with Brooklyn’s other Surrogate, Margarita Lopez-Torres, has hardly been his idea of a good time either. Whatsa matter Frank, would you rather look at Adele Cohen? LOL! Word is he wants out, and he’s not been quiet about it.
Because of Santa’s discontents, visions of sugarplumbs are once more dancing in the heads of every ambitious Brooklyn judge. LOL! Thanks to Lopez-Torres and the Brennan Center, three Brooklyn Supreme Court Judges, Priscilla Hall, Larry Martin and Al Tomei, have been thrown to the winds of fortune, forced to seek their renominations in a primary next year. Unfamiliar with the political turf they’ve avoided for 14 long years, they are almost literally at the mercy of every two bit “consultant” and con-artist, and in Brooklyn it’s hard to tell the difference. Now that “Mitch the bitch” is an unindicted co-conspirator, one can chose Musa or Tahaka or literally hold one’s nose for Gary Tilzer. LOL! Faced with such a choice one might well conclude, “Hell, if I’ve got to run anyway, why not run for Surrogate?” Tomei, who’s already held the job as an interim replacement, even has a famous niece to campaign with him. Maybe she can bring in “My Cousin Vinny” to campaign for “Her Uncle Al”. LOL! Surely, the losers from last time, Larry Knipel and Diana Johnson have not given up upon their ambitions either. LOL!
And such ambitions are not restricted to the bench. One local attorney, previously the talented legal eagle behind the Dov Hikind acquittal, has already been telling all who’ll listen that he will have a leg up on all the competition when Governor Spitzer appoints him to Seddio’s unexpired term. Surely others have their fantasy scenarios as well. Is recently free and clear Judge Michael Garson, an expert at innovations in estate administration, far behind? LOL! If Lew Fidler were dead, he would be turning over in his grave, and Mike would be robbing it. LOL!
But, as Go-go Gomez and Joe Jitsu used to say, “Hold Everything!” It’s time for a reality check. LOL!
While his closest political associates from the venerable Thomas Jefferson Club may not be successful in their efforts to persuade Seddio not to abandon ship, does anyone believe they are going to be without influence on the crucial matter of timing? Seddio is a man of many virtues; including affability, humor and generosity, but foremost among his good qualities is loyalty; Seddio will always give the first and last dance to those who brung him. LOL!
There is a date enshrined in the election law which will determine the timing of Seddio’s resignation, should such a resignation occur. A resignation by Seddio before that date would require that the candidate for the Democratic nomination for a new 14 year term as Surrogate be determined in the Democratic Primary being held next September. A resignation after that date would allow the selection for such a nomination to be made, as it was previously for Seddio, by the Party’s executive committee. Does anyone really believe that, in the event of a Seddio resignation, a primary will ever be held? I don’t hear nobody laughing now. LOL!
Well those are all the pipedreams for today; I’ve run out of Rock. LOL!
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good life! LOL!!
Stoned Crackwhore, Brooklyn’s All-knowing Political Pundit– Available For Hire--As If! LOL!
Post new comment