Thirty-Three and a Turd

Earlier in the year, it became clear that personal circumstances were going to keep me from endorsing in the 33rd Councilmanic District, where I happen to live.

But nothing is going to stop me from saying who you shouldn’t vote for.

There are SEVEN candidates in this race. Only three of them (Steve Levin, Jo Anne Simon and Evan Theis) have any grasp on reality. The other four are running for a seat in the Borough of Oz.

Ken Baer is a pathetic little round-faced man , without a friend or a clue, constantly smiling without reason or comprehension and walking around in a lonely fog as other people cruelly laugh at him.

In the 90’s he ran three times for State Assembly, each time gaining a point until he got to 23%. Had he not quit, he might have eventually won in the 22nd Century.

In 1996, Assemblywomen Eileen Dugan, who kicked Baer’s pathetic ass twice, the second time while occupying that awful space between life and death, died. Baer having just taken 22% in a primary, declared he should be the Democratic candidate in the special election, because only he had the name recognition to win against the Republicans.

Even the Green Party candidate laughed at that.

Baer now apparently believes that in a seven way race, his base vote will hold and yield him victory. For Baer, victory will be if he manages four percent.

Isaac Abraham is a loud crank, full of ego and bluster and against whatever exists at the moment. He has a bit more wit than Rush Limbaugh, but is somewhat more conservative on the social issues, although just as Republican in state, city and national races. At Hasidic weddings, one of his 12 young followers will announce that Isaac Abraham is about to arrive, causing the beggars out front to carefully watch the dollar bills they have collected. Isaac has as much of a clue about life outside the Hasidic community as David Yassky has about rap music.

Doug Biviano one day decided it would be nice to be a Councilman, and that all who opposed that goal were agents of evil. A great Rabbi, the Gaon of Vilna, once noted that the best way for a man to preserve his purity is to never leave the house. Though not Jewish himself, Biviano has steadfastly followed this advice, never attending a single community meeting outside of his child’s PTA until he decided to run for Council. He now treats his total lack of engagement with any of the district’s important issues as a virtue. If willful ignorance is a virtue, than Biviano is indeed our local Doris Day.

Que Sera Sera.

Finally there is Ken Diamondstone. If any candidate has the moral standing to criticize his opponents for letting their public policy fantasies be corrupted by too much compromise with reality, it is not Biviano, but Diamondstone. Unlike Biviano, Diamondstone has left his house (and even moved it to be eligible for office), and has attended every meeting on the face of the earth, and apparently some on other planets, and still managed to emerge unscathed by any contact with reality.

Other try to get developers to change their plans to be more community friendly. Diamondstone thinks that developers who do so are divisive.

When it comes to uninformed sanctimonious imbeciles, Biviano is just a poseur; Diamondstone is the real deal.

Perhaps I should disclose that in 2006, Diamondstone, displeased by the contents of this blog, although it had barely mentioned him (maybe that was the problem), had complained to my employer, causing me to take a nine month hiatus from writing.

Earlier this year, Diamondstone came up to me at a candidate’s forum, frimly clasped my shoulder, smiled at me, and said, with all sincerity, “well there’s been a lot of water under the bridge, but we’re still friends, aren’t we?”

No Ken, we are not friends. I will not turn the other cheek, except to flatulate in your general direction.